Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Human Factor. I'm Kimberly diamond and today we're talking about real challenges and real wins behind building strong teams. You're watching now Media Television.
Welcome to the Human Factor. I'm your host Kimberly Diamond. So glad to be here today. Today we're joined by someone who's devoted his life to helping others unlock their full potential. I'd like to welcome Paul Peters.
Paul is a U.S. army veteran. He also he been leading both a mission driven case management agency and he also has a global non profit. Paul's path is rich with purpose, experience and wisdom and I'm really excited to learn more.
Welcome Paul.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:00:45] Speaker A: Yes. So in this segment we're going to dive into the dangers of living on autopilot and how can you reconnect with your purpose in everyday life. And I know a lot of people probably in the audience wake up and rush through their day and it feels like they're just running and the day gets away from them. So how can they turn it around where they can have more control of their day?
And when did you actually realize you were living on autopilot and how did you flip that switch?
[00:01:15] Speaker B: Very interested. I think it's very important for people to realize if you're going to not live on autopilot is still a very intentionally and to make decisions that are going to put you in line with that. And I think the, I use the word and it's interesting been more prevalent for me is alignment. Alignment with who you are, alignment with what you want and what you want to be and what you're created to be. And I think that's where the intentionality comes in. A lot of people, for example, I used to wake up, many of us probably do hit the floor running. And so I had to make some key decisions in my life to get up much earlier to basically lay the foundation for what I would consider a successful day. You know, that's my meditation, my quiet time, my reading, my exercising just to basically have the foundational items to be successful on that day. And a lot of times you get in that autopilot because you are reacting to everything coming at you and you're, you're never your best self when you're in reactionary mode. It's always better if you're proactive. And that's where the intentionality comes in in regards to making sure you're not on autopilot because autopilot you're, I think about the movie it's with Adam Sandler, the, what was it called? Click. I Don't know if you've ever seen it, any of your audience have seen the movie. Click.
Basically he, the, the, the, the movie is about him running on autopilot and he misses the most valuable, important items of his life because he's able to see what he missed because he's got a little clicker like a remote clicker.
It's a great, it's great movie to watch, by the way.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: So can he like pause it like I'm missing this because.
Or go back and rewind?
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Yeah. He basically fast forwards through the items like that because he's so work focused. He misses the times that he's with his kids, with his wife, with his dad and ultimately his dad passes away. And he missed those moments because he fast forwarded his life to those things. So he lost because of that. And he's, you know, older, he's has a heart attack and it basically was a lesson for him. Don't miss those moments, you know, don't be on autopilot because you're going to miss your life. And I think that was a great illustration movie for me. Them.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, how can someone spot small daily habits that, that steal their sense of purpose?
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Well, I think it's interesting. There's books like Tiny Habits and other other types of books you may know about it, your audience may know about. And I think it's very important.
Habits create the foundation of a sexful, successful life. And we've got to basically make sure we're putting habits that are going to work towards our advantage. Like I said, so we're not reactive. And part of that for me is like I started a ritual, I've gotten fallen off track a little bit, but started a ritual getting up at 4am and doing those things. And it usually took about three to four hours. And those were foundational because I tell people the only thing that you can control in life is your internal responses to the external circumstances. And that happens when you develop good strong habits that are going to help you, I. E. When you're in a storm, when life's throwing some bunch of stuff at you, it's those little tiny habits that secure your inner response so you're not reactionary and basically getting all emotional. I think that's a key for any leaders. You've got to make sure you have self discipline in your emotional responses because you're going to be interacting with people all the time. And probably the number one problem you're going to have with is with people.
So you've got to make sure. You've got those internal checks and balances.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Because everybody is different as much as we don't realize that.
Yeah, I hear you. In the morning practices have to be upset. That's me. I prefer now to get up earlier and get certain things done so that I'm not feeling like I didn't have that personal time as you know, that the day got away from me and then I've just done the b. The necessities of the day. Right. So.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: Well, what is, what is, what is one simple morning practice anyone can start tomorrow to feel like more intentional in their day?
[00:05:14] Speaker B: Well, I think a lot of it has to do with what you personally enjoy doing. Some people are not necessarily morning people. I'm not saying you have to be morning person, but most typically people work, you know, 8 to 4, 9 to 5. And so it's always best to set some kind of foundation. You don't get up at 4am but you're really building the, like I said, the foundation of what's going to help you get through the day. And so for me being a spiritual person, I spend time in the Bible, I spend time in meditation.
I will also read quite a few what I would call suck up books. I do affirmations, I do goal setting. I do all of that because I'm trying to plan out my day in preparation. And a lot of times, you know, the way the mind works is if you put in your mind the things that you want to achieve, likelihood that's going to be drawn to you. Some people call that the law of attraction. But and that's why I said prepare for your day because your day is going to come at you and you've got to be able to kind of have some anticipation of what it's going to be. And that's where the planning comes in. So I'm a big planner, I'm a to do list person. You know, I'm old school, I write things down but you know, best to have a plan, otherwise you're going to be reacting to whatever life throws at you.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: I agree with you on that. And I, I do some morning, but then I also have incorporated because I have the ability to, and I know this doesn't work for everybody, but some people could say step away, you know, incorporate an hour where I, what I call it's the brain break. Whether I go and meditate or I just go and do something that's away and kind of reset. So I don't get into that, you know, just churning and churning and not, you know, and then the day gets past me and it's again, like you said, I'm being reactionary. I want to like take a breath, regroup, see if I'm on track and then kind of go from there.
So that's kind of what I have tried to incorporate. But I have the luxury of doing that from working from home, obviously. So.
But, but why is writing down the personal why, which I love that that's. I think everyone needs to. Their why is like the biggest word. It's not just your why, it's why everything. Right? If you think about it, children, that's the first, practically the first word out of their mouth. Why, why.
But why change how we handle even the boring tasks that we have to do every day?
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Well, I think part of it is, you know, I love that you said that why and why is in purpose. Especially as for me as an my book discovering embrace your life purpose has everything to do your with your why. Because your why sets the intentionality as to what's most important to you, what you're passionate about, what you feel called and created to do. And so, you know, it's interesting, kids ask why because they want to know sometimes if they want to rebel. But often the why is, you know, to get us unstuck.
Because if we're asking the why where we're getting ourselves out of the that. What did you say autopilot mode? Because we're saying why am I doing this? Is this. I think about a book I recently read, who not how. And so if you're focusing on things that are not feeding your passion, feeding what you're called to do, it's going to drain your energy. And so you often have to ask yourself, why am I doing it? Do I really need to do this? Is this the best use of my time? And I think a lot of people, if they want to live intentional lives and live a purpose filled life, they need to really rid themselves of the things that are draining their energy, the things that are making them go on autopilot. How many people go to work, clock in, five o' clock and they have this same routine that they do every day. I recently watched and I did this for a reason because I watched movies to get messages, meanings out of it. So I recently watched Groundhog Day. Have you ever seen Granite?
[00:09:00] Speaker A: Oh yeah, yeah.
[00:09:02] Speaker B: It's a great movie about how people live the same routine.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: It's a repeat on repeat.
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. It's like in some respects we all fall into that zombie land and we get up and do the same thing every day. There's certain, you know, certain good things about doing everything because you develop habits, but you've got to make sure that you're conscious, present in the moment when you're, when you're doing those things. Because otherwise you're, you're almost brainless because you're just doing it, you know, remotely, per se.
[00:09:31] Speaker A: So, yeah, yeah, I agree. I. I get, I get into that pattern and I feel like. And that's how else. When I know I'm there, I'll be saying to myself, just feels like it's Groundhog Day. You know, it's like, gotta feed the dogs this time. I gotta cook dinner. You know, I gotta do this. And. And I'd be like, oh, no. And you know, like, hit me like two or three. Three. Two or three days into the week, I'd be like, okay, I need to do something different today.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the other thing. You know, if people want to get kind of out of that rut and you, you're in a situation like me, I work out of my office, out of my home, remotely, is get up every, you know, work for like 15 minutes or whatever, get up, move around, do something, and then it's going to recharge your brain. Because what happens is your brain will get tired.
And if you get enough physically activity or you're including that in your routine, a lot of times people will take cat naps. I know that's something that Einstein did.
And it's very helpful. And I think it really charges the brain to be more creative. The other thing I remember is if you do like to meditate, something like that, it really helps develop the creative part of your mind. For people like me who are entrepreneur or visionaries, so those are some other things that I would encourage to get people out of the rut.
[00:10:44] Speaker A: Sometimes I, I do that and I come back with, with ideas and then I'm. It's almost like the, you know, the shiny box over here. Now get back to what I was need to focus on.
So, so that kind of leads me to how do we stay in on purpose when. When the world's noise and notifications never stop getting emails, you're getting pings, you're getting texts, you're getting phone calls. I mean, we used to be able to get away from that. We can't now.
So how do we stay on purpose when that's happening?
[00:11:12] Speaker B: Well, there's certain things you can do. I remember I was fortunately mentored by Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul success principles. And he often talked to me because I was asking like, you know, because I've written four books and said, how do you take the time when you're a busy person, business owner, entrepreneur, whatever, how do you take the time to write? And he said, you've got to time and that's what I mentioned earlier. So you've got to be disciplined if you want something bad enough. And for me, I've got to take time to write, take time to read, whatever, all those things because that fills me up and it gives me the opportunity to make interim incremental changes or tasks in my day to accomplish the bigger picture, which is to publish the book, get it in a bestseller. And I think people have to be able to make small steps, tiny habits per se, to be able to work towards the things that they're able to accomplish. A lot of time I will tell people what I do and they're like, oh my gosh, how do you find time to do all that? Part of it is I delegate the things that are not, you know, for example, I'm co writing two books with two other authors so it's not so committed time wise.
And that's really what you have to do. You have to focus on what you're good at, delegate the rest out if you can.
And then the same thing with emails. You're going to have time blocks of when you're going to check those emails.
[00:12:26] Speaker A: Time blocks are very important. I agree. Well, thank you for sharing. For, for those who want to stay connected, where can they find you? Online.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Yeah, paulpeters online and it'll connect all the different social media sites in there.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: Perfect.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: You're welcome.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the human factor on NOW Media Television.
We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human factor on NOW Media Television.
Welcome back to the Human Factor. If you're just joining us, I'm with Paul Peters. A leader who is redefined by success. Excuse me. By aligning his work with purpose. In this next conversation, we're exploring the all too common experience of reaching achievements only to feel strangely unfulfilled inside. The problem facing, I think many people in the audience, Paul, is that they check all the boxes and it often feels like something still missing inside.
You've been successful and achieved these titles and milestones and what warning signs told you that they weren't Enough.
[00:13:46] Speaker B: Well, for me, I grew up without a father, per se. I mean, I had a father, but he was absent from my life because of some choices, bad choices that he had made. So I was the youngest of six growing up, single. Mom raised us. And part of it is what ended up happening for me is I ended up becoming a people pleaser because they did not have the father, didn't feel loved, and all those things that go with the rape. Being raised in a dysfunctional childhood.
And it's interesting when you become a people pleaser and many of your audiences maybe can relate to this, you end up making decisions not because it's important to you, but because it's important to people you want to impress. And you end up getting into jobs and careers because mom and dad wanted to get into that. And it's not something that you really wanted to do. So you end up climbing that ladder. Come to find out the very thing you sacrifice is your own happiness. Because you spent most of your time trying to please somebody to or to accomplish something that really wasn't that important to you. So I just encourage people, be authentic, get in touch with who you are, what you value, what's most important to you, and have the courage to say no, because most of the people you're trying to please really could care less anyways. And so, you know, so it's very important. I think people need to focus on what they're most passionate about. And I tell people, the discovery of your purpose starts with the question of why am I here? And what's important to me that why? And I think when people begin to get into a career, get into a field that they are absolutely passionate about, and they climb that ladder, there's fulfillment each and every step. But when you're climbing the ladder, that you're really doing it because it's not that important to you. You're doing it because either you want to make money, you're trying to impress somebody, you're going to end up empty because ultimately you may have the money, but you're not going to end up being satisfied. And that's where people get into workaholism or whatever you call it, or working all the time. And it also may lead to some other addictions because you're trying to meet a need on something that's not actually worth your. You trying to go after it, if that makes any sense.
[00:15:54] Speaker A: So it absolutely does. And in our world, that there's, you know, we talk about why a lot when you're talking about careers like you Mentioned. So if I'm talking to a candidate, I'm talking to them about their why, you know, why are they interested. Interested in this position? Why did they do these various things? And the same thing, when you're talking to a client who's hiring somebody, you ought to know the why. Why is it that you. This person needs to have these particular skill sets and you know, just the very. So that they can really think about it versus just being on autopilot and just going with the flow. Right? So. Yeah, exactly. Well, how does true fulfillment feel different from a temporary high, you know, from. From a temporary high to a big win? You know, like, what's the. I mean, I've been there before where it's. It's very up and down, right? Everything's going really great and then all of a sudden it's stalling out. So how do you, you know, how does true fulfillment feel different?
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Well, true fulfillment. Fulfillment. And it's interesting, I use this example yesterday.
So everything around us, when we look at my office and your office, everything has a particular purpose. It was created for a specific purpose, I. E. This pen was created to write and the ear. Earbuds are here, created to listen. So it's interesting. We humans are created to accomplish something. The question is, what is it specifically? And I tell people it's like it's internal. You've got to discover what about yourself is unique and special. No two people are the same. We all have an individual fingerprint and even twins are different. And so to me, that begs the question. We're here to do something specific and we've got to begin to do that. Search internally and figure out what are we good at, what do we love? Where do we feel called in regards to service? Because everything career wise is going to be linked to some concept of service. You may have uniqueness and we talked about the differences. You or somebody may have skills like my two children in it. That is not something I'm gifted in. So I won't get into that field. So you're going to get in some. Into a field that you have a natural giftedness and a desire, and then you're going to be drawn to that and tell people that the ideal purpose is really discover. And for example, I did an assessment after I went through my life and I looked at. I did what I call a life map and I looked at some of the decisions I was making through certain periods in my life and I could see the steps, call it the footprints of things that are choices I made not Even consciously, just unconsciously, as if something was guiding me.
And that's ultimately when I look back retrospectively. That's why I got into the field that I am in, working with intellectual disabled, mental health and substance abuse. That's why I started a non profit that works with senior citizens, folks struggling with addiction, because that was part of my walk. And so it's interesting, our purpose is discovered in the very choices we're making trying to figure life out. And if we're paying enough attention and we're doing some introspection and that you happen to be a spiritual person, God can play a big part in that. But certain things are revealed about what we've done. That's why it's so important to talk to people who care about you, your family and friends.
And basically they can give you indications as to what you've done in your life, choices that led you or leading you to what you're going to do career wise. And I think that's very important one. We'd be open to listen and hear and we look at the things that we already care about, we care about children. Is that indication? Maybe we're going to get into child care, I don't know. But a lot of it's already built in with what we've already done or have done or want to do.
[00:19:23] Speaker A: So I, I agree with you on that. I looked back at my path. I mean, mine has always been helping people. Before I was in this industry, I was in the mortgage industry, but to me it was helping people get a home. So, you know, these are always things that have driven me, even though I probably have not sat down and completely dissected that, you know, but if I look back, that would be, that would be what my path looks like for sure.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: Well, what, yeah. What questions can listeners ask to see if their goals match their values?
[00:19:55] Speaker B: Well, part of it is, and I appreciate you mentioned values. Values are very important because that is your internal compass as to what's important to you. It really is connected to your why. So for me, for example, my, my company, we are all about helping people find their purpose. So purpose is one of our values. The other part is service. We wanted to make sure the other that one of our values is compassion because we work with folks who are very vulnerable. And so it's very important that you know your values and you put them down because they are going to be guiding principles as to what you're going to do. You know, if you have the attributes of being a strong leader, well spoken, analytical, you may get into a particular field based on the value system that you, you know, that's important to you. You're not going to get into something that's different, your value system difference from a different career that you're looking at. So I think very important you identify your values. You identify what have you been interested and wanted to do. Because every one of us is, I mean, let me, let me rephrase this.
Not everyone is skilled. Like I'm trying to give you someone like a Beethoven as an example.
Most of us have a desire to do something, improve on it, then learn that skill, become masters of it. And then as if, it's as if we were born like that. And you think, look at people like Michael Jordan from the sports figures, Steph Curry, they were very talented and skilled. But if you look back on Michael Jordan, he wasn't picked in the first round, I believe first round draft pick. He practiced and practiced and practiced. And the key for anything that people want to be successful is, is you got to have the passion so that you can discipline yourself to become a master what you do and then you can, that can be your platform for, as it has been for Michael Jordan and many other leaders. Because you know, it's going to take resilience, it's going to take, you know, every day putting in the hard work, no different than, than working out, you know, workout. You got to build those muscles. It's going to take daily discipline.
And once you, once you fed that passion going into a career that you absolutely love and you become a master at it, then you become a mentor. And that's how you basically quote, unquote, make disciples or mentors.
And that's very important because people need good role models, good mentors, examples that they can follow after.
[00:22:11] Speaker A: I agree. Yeah, they do. Well, when someone realizes that they're on the wrong ladder, what first step helps them climb down safely?
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Well, I think the, the interesting thing that keeps people from making those changes is fear. And so, and it's very understandable. But if you want to, I think about particular Bible verse, if you gain the whole world but you lose your soul per se, your soul being is what brings joy to you, brings you happiness. And so a lot of times people have to reassess, do it in a transitional phase. If you're working in a career that makes you good money and meets your needs, but makes you miserable, then that's not something long term. Because what is going to end up happening is you sold your soul because you needed these responsibilities. Take care of these responsibilities. But you're not feeding the things that matter most to you. So some people do different things. They will keep their job, they will have a hobby that will feed that which is fine. But what ends up happening is you're splitting your life because you're living autopilot because you may be, I don't know if you've heard the zone of confidence and zone of excellence and zone of genius ideal, but when you are not living in your zone of excellence and zone of genius, you are suffering internally and which ultimately I believe will have an impact on your physical health and your mental health, which is why I always encourage people follow what you're passionate about, figure out how you can master that, figure out how you can make that where it can be a monetary reward to you. And part of that is starting to step back on the job, the ladder that's on the raw wall. Take a step back and start doing things that feed your passion. Take some classes, begin to that transition. Because for me, I'm in that process of that transition. I been working for the built company 15 years ago.
I am in the process of transitioning out, getting a new leader so that I can focus more on my writing, public speaking, my foundation, my non profit. So it's really all about that transition, but making sure you're taking that step and maybe small steps, but eventually you want to make sure you're doing the things that feed your heart, feed your passion, feed your, your joy. Because if you're not, if you're not working in a career that's doing that, it's ultimately going to pay its price.
[00:24:25] Speaker A: I, yes, I can, I can relate to that. You know, I enjoy what I do, but there is more that I want to do with respect to that. So this process with the human factors part of that. But there is more to, to that, but it's still relative to what I do with people in general. Yeah, that's my passion.
So how can leaders engage teams to measure success on money and awards?
[00:24:51] Speaker B: How can leaders engage. I'm saying again, please, I'm sorry, how.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: Can they help them measure success based on, you know, like, you know, some people go after money and awards. You want to be able to gain success. You know, success outside of that is my, is what I guess I'm trying to say.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: Well, I think part of it is the leaders need to help the people that they're leading identify what is important to them. Because if you're going to simply achieve the, the medals or the trophies or whatever that is and Then that day arrives.
What normally happens after that day?
There's a letdown.
And so there has to be a higher reason, higher purpose. There's nothing wrong with pursuing the, you know, the, the shiny things per se because it's just a notch in your accomplishment.
Example. I'm involved in documentaries and so, you know, we got a certain award for being involved in documentary that won an award, great. But it's, you have to look at behind. Why is that important? It's not so much getting the award, it's what is the documentary going to do to impact and its purpose. So I tell people it's not so much that, you know, you have all these wonderful shiny metals and things you've accomplished in life. What legacy did you leave? And I think leaders, very important. If you're going to leave a legacy that's not focused on you, but a higher calling, a higher purpose, then you have to make sure that you're encouraging people to pursue beyond the metal, beyond it. Because any impact we have on another person either in verbal speech, in writing, my song per se is basically why did we do that? Why is it important? What message are we trying to convey? And we've got many leaders. Mother Teresa pretty much committed her whole life to bringing an awareness to poverty. And you know, was she a rich, wealthy woman? Yeah. I mean people would have given her anything. But she was committed to a higher calling, a higher purpose. And I think leaders need to encourage the people they're leading. It's not so much that you gain vice presidency. What impact are you making on this company, on your fellow co workers that's going to help the company grow to basically be, you know, a greater message to whatever they're trying to do. Not necessarily to build sales, but to make an impact on the community. So.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:27:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:08] Speaker A: Well, I appreciate that. This is great insight. Well, thank you so much for this. And we want to know how, how the audience can reach you. You know, they are chasing the wrong kind of success and they need some guidance there. Where can they connect?
[00:27:21] Speaker B: They can connect with me@paulpeters on.online.
[00:27:25] Speaker A: Thank you. We'll be right back.
We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human Factor on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Kimberly diamond and you're watching the Human Factor on NOW Media Television. Let's dive back into today's conversation.
Welcome back. I'm here with Paul Peterson. We're shifting gears to talk about courage and the kind of that speaks up even when it speaking up, even when it's hard. A lot of people get afraid, okay? If you, you know, people have ideas, but they hold back because they're afraid somebody's going to judge them.
So this problem facing audience, they. They have brave ideas. They often feel like they're just like we just talked about being judged. Excuse me. And you know what? Early experience taught you to speak up. Even when critics, you know, were for being loud.
[00:28:23] Speaker B: I tell people, courage is not the absence of fear. It is action within the fear. And, you know, fear is going to be the one factor that's going to prevent every one of us from achieving the things that are important to us, because fear is of the future. And so we often like to have enough control so we can eliminate any, you know, any issues that may come up. And so fear stops us because we don't know the outcome.
You know, and that's where, quote, unquote, faith comes in, or our vision. And if we're going to be moving forward in a direction, you're going to have to basically recognize that sometimes the people who are shouting the loudest are trying to keep you from accomplishing the great things you're called to do. And I think great leaders, when we look at George Washington and other leaders that have gone forward in faith per se and recognize that the battle was insurmountable, but they had courage. And because they had courage, the people that they were leading followed after them stories of George Washington's great leadership in regards to Valley Forge. And so part of being a leader is recognizing you're going to face obstacles. Too many people think that, oh, life, if life is hard, I must be doing something wrong. Well, when life gets hard, that probably means you're on the right path. Because every great leader, every great leaders had those challenges. I mean, think about Winston Churchill, the obstacles he faced standing up against the Nazi Germany.
And they were just, yeah, they were just assaulted left and right. And one of the things in one of his famous speeches says, never, never, ever, ever, ever, ever quit. You know, part of being a leader is you just continue to. To get up, move forward, get knocked down, get back up. I mean, take the, the example of the baby who, you know, learns to walk. Doesn't.
Until they hit two, then they do know the word no.
But I think, I think the key is, you know, recognizing whatever you're going to go up against. You're going to have people going to knock you down, you're going to have your critics, you're going to have Your people who are going to say horrible things about you. And I actually, that encourages me because it lets me know I'm on the right track. And, you know, I may not have all the answers, but in the pursuit of going forward in the action, you're going to make mistakes. And hopefully you've got enough people surrounding you to guide you, to give you the wisdom. That's why I'm a big proponent of mentorships and, you know, getting with people and mastermind groups because you want to be around people who've already gone the path that you. To help lead and guide you in the direction you need to take. And that's why it's very important, never isolate yourself. Never put yourself in a silo, put yourself in a group that's going to encourage you to be the best person that you can be and not try to be something you're not or someone you're not.
[00:31:04] Speaker A: And that kind of leads me into, you know, how do you separate that helpful feedback from opinions that only hurt? You know, is it. Is it it.
Is it an opinion because of their, you know, lack of understanding or their jealousy? Or is it, you know, a true. An opinion that even though it might hurt, it's helpful? So how do you separate that?
[00:31:25] Speaker B: Well, I think you have to have some discernment. You have to recognize, you know, the person that you either seeking counsel from. There's also people who would just love to give counsel without even asking for permission.
So it's not always clear how you can read people's intentions, but often the words they're speaking, are they encouraging, you know, are they helpful? Are they edifying? Are they getting you that what you need to know, or they come across as being critical, a negative per se. It's not that you can't receive criticism. You just have to make sure it's criticism that is intended to help you, not to hurt you. Because we are very. We are our worst enemies in regards to criticism because it triggers something in us, which is fear that we're not enough. And I think that's very important.
[00:32:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I agree.
Well, what small steps can someone do to build confidence before they do a big public leap? I mean, obviously, you know, I've done this on Navy. You've done it more times than I'm sure I'll ever experience. So what do they do to build their confidence before they make that big, big public leap to share?
[00:32:31] Speaker B: Well, it's very interesting. You know, one of the biggest shows I had, and it took me probably 40 years and hopefully, you know, that it was going to have to take the long journey. But I was very stubborn and because of my own pride issues. But you know, growing up in the home that I did, you know, insecurity ran rampant, which is why I tried to seek my, you know, recognition from the other people. And I think it's very important is it's, it's your own identity. And when you understand that you are created uniquely, however your religious views are, but you're created uniquely, there's something special about you. The reason we don't rise in level of confidence to be a leader, to make decisions.
We're filled with doubt because we have insecurity, because of the self talk. We're speaking to ourselves because we've allowed other people's comments about ridicule, criticism to define who we are. And part of it is we've got to get to. And that's why affirmation visualizations are so powerful. You. And it's really that I, I'm actually going to be writing the book next year called the Power of Belief. Belief is so important because so many people and I had a discussion with somebody interviewed yesterday and not to get political, but you have a divisive country politically right now and people have a certain belief system that they will do or die depending on what party they are. And they will go in with preconceived notions, arguments. No matter what the truth is about that other person, all they will see is what they see. And that's the power belief. And when we apply that to ourselves, if we have insecurity and, and we can have people around us telling us how wonderful we are, but internally, if we're telling ourselves we're nothing, then that's. We're never going to be able to be strong, confident, courageous. We're going to be measuring it based on what we tell ourselves. And I tell people focus on what is true, you know, and if you happen to be one of a religious faith and believing the Bible, we are created in the image of God. And so part of it is when we tell ourselves that, that I'm pretty doggone special. I've got all these skills, talents, and we begin to walk in action.
There's a natural byproduct of confidence and courage that will then continue to be. It's like building a house. You're building on the foundation of a true identity based on what is true, not on lies of what other people have told you. Because most people criticize us or you or whoever because they're trying to build themselves up, and they just happen to do it in a negative way. So part of it, a lot just, you have to base. Base your identity on what is true, not on what other people think of you, because normally what other people think of you is not true. And I think that's very important for the beginning, the small steps of developing confidence.
[00:35:02] Speaker A: I, I agree with that. You're right. You're right. We have our own perceptions, and then we, we look at what we think other people's perceptions are, and it's hard, it's very difficult because you're actually, you know, you're interacting with people all day, you know, every day. So you're having that feedback, you know, so it's not like you're in this little vacuum and you're only having to talk to yourself.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: Yeah. And the other element and people need to understand this is. I've been using this as an example when I teach. So when you plant a seed in the ground, the seed is not yet reached its potential for what it was created to be either an apple or whatever. Same thing with us. When we learn a new skill, we have a lot of doubts, a lot of fears because we're not confident and we're not confident. But the more you learn a language, riding a bike or something, you begin to develop the confidence. That's how life works. That's why it's important that you stay on something, you stay resilient, you stay focus, and you develop the skill. Become to the point where you become a master. Once you are a master, you have this confidence to be able to get on stage or do whatever you perform, which are what you've mastered that skill to, to be. And people, like, admire that because, like, wow, once you get all that confidence, well, it, the confidence was found as you took the time to really devote your skills and training to something that's important to you, that now you can then become a teacher or a mentor.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: I agree. I agree with that. 100.
Well, then how do you remind yourself and your podcast listeners that progress beats perfection every time?
[00:36:34] Speaker B: Well, I, I tell people perfection is impossible. It is an unachievable goal. It's like when you go to the racetrack or horses and they got the carrot in front of Never catch the carrots. It's. You're never going to reach perfection.
And part of it is, is we should always achieve or, or work towards to become better versions of what we were the day before. And you can always do better things, so you can always be. Do kinder things. I'LL give you an example. Me and my old wife were out driving and happened to see this guy pushing his car on the road and we had a momentary thought. Could I just pass this guy who obviously needed help, or could I make a decision that was going to make me a better human and serve this gentleman? Which we did. We turned around and helped the gentleman. So every day we can make improvements. Are we ever going to reach perfection? No, because there is no such thing as perfection. You can only work towards being better at who you are. And part of that is I tell people the key to success in anything is surrender. You surrender to the outcome of that which is already pushing you to be a better person. When you're focused and you're authentic and you're and being honest and trying and your desire is to help and serve other people, then you will be a better person each and every day.
[00:37:45] Speaker A: Well, that's wonderful. Well, this is powerful stuff for the audience.
[00:37:48] Speaker B: Well, thank you.
[00:37:49] Speaker A: Where can they find your podcast or reach out to you?
[00:37:53] Speaker B: Well, they can find me and actually have a show just like yourself On Purpose with Paul and NOW Media. But a lot of the information they can find about me is on Paul. I'm sorry. Paul Peters, online.
[00:38:04] Speaker A: Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. And we'll be back after this commercial break. So please stay with us.
[00:38:09] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:38:13] Speaker A: Right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human Factor on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Kimberly diamond and you're watching the Human Factor on NOW Media Television.
Dive back into today's conversation.
Thank you for staying with us. We're wrapping up with Paul Peters today here, here on THE Human factor. And this is the final conversation we're talking about and it's going to be one of the most transformative ideas of all, using your pain as fuel to create change.
So, Paul, your life story is full of the moments that that could have broken you, but instead you turn them into purpose. You know, I'd like to unpack that. I think people in the audience are carrying a lot of memories and things that, you know, pains and things that weigh them down. And so I think they would like to hear, you know, kind of how you were able to manage through that. So what personal setback became the spark for your most meaningful work?
[00:39:28] Speaker B: Tell you a bunch of stories on that one. You know, it's interesting. I made a big advocate with Tony Robbins, been involved in his organ and he talks that most people will pursue pleasure and avoid pain. And there's nothing wrong with pursuing pleasure as long as it's in moderation. Because anything such as that can be lead towards addictive tendencies towards. And the interesting thing is we avoid pain because we don't want to feel uncomfortable. Many people don't like change, but pain is your biggest lesson. It's interesting you mentioned that the purpose and the pain.
Often, you know, pain comes upon us for different reasons. It could be the choices we make. It could be simply because life is hard and there's going to be things that happen to us. And in order for us to overcome any of the difficulties, challenges in life and rise above, to be truly transformative, you've got to allow yourself to learn and grow through the pain. It's not that you become masochistic per se and you're pursuing pain even though there are people who only do that.
But typically, you know, it's kind of like how you respond to a painful situation. Either a breakup in a relationship is going to help you move to the next level because these are lessons or life lessons. And so I think, for example, if you've gone through a painful breakup and you have a situation where that person did some horrible things to you, if you don't allow yourself to heal and forgive, then you're going to be stuck in that moment. I tell people often the power of forgiveness is not for the person that you're forgiving, it's for you, so that you can heal and move on. And so often, and when we're going through painful moments, whatever that be, how we respond defines how we're going to be. Because most important in success in life is not what we achieve, how much we achieve, it's what has been developed internally, our character and how we're going to relate and impact other people. Because, for example, you've got multiple people who've achieved millions and billions of money, but they're absolutely miserable versus somebody who's achieved, yeah, a lot of millions and billions, but now they're giving that away. I think about Andrew Carnegie, he pretty much gave most of his wealth away to further and have a legacy with the library. So it's like same thing with Rockefeller, we can, yes, there's nothing wrong with the accumulation.
What you do to serve mankind is what separates you from, from everyone else. And I think when we go through these painful experiences and if you've ever, because I love history, if you've ever studied Rockefeller, he had some challenges. Many of the people who've been successful, quote unquote, not necessarily wealth wise, have achieved Greatness and how they responded to those painful experiences. Lincoln is a great example. Failure after failure after failure after failure. Rose to be president and then unfortunately, assassinated. The point being is success is how we deal with those painful moments. So I tell people, like, for me, you know, when life was throwing a lot of curveballs and I wasn't making good choices, I got an alcohol, drug addiction that led to a suicide attempt.
Thankfully, that was a fail. And I ended up getting my life turned around. But that was instrumental, pivotal, pivotal for me to look at what I was doing, the choices I was making. Because after that I ended up finishing up in the military, I ended up starting my own business, ended up getting her to have children. I started making better choices because I learned from the experience of the painful one, the painful choices in the painful life. So, you know, people need to be open to allow pain to help. I tell people, refine you from a character standpoint and define you as to what you're going to do once you get through that. Because pain is like a storm. Once you get through the storm, the sun, the rainbows, all those wonderful things happen. But it wouldn't have happened had you not gone into the storm or allowed the storm to teach you the lessons it needs to teach you.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: I. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Well, how does sharing our struggles openly with others help, you know, help other people, you know, heal and grow? Because I think people tend to feel like, why me? Oh me? And they don't realize that, you know, a lot of people have been in a similar situation or something, you know, and still experienced and had to heal and grow. So how do you. And how does that, how does that help people?
[00:43:47] Speaker B: Well, I'll give you an example. So, you know, I'm a successful businessman and I've got a lot of quote unquote accolades, you know, best selling author. But if I sat down with people and I told them my story, told them that I was the youngest of seven to tell them that my dad attempted murder, my mom went to jail, if I tell them that I, you know, contemplated suicide, I was homeless, all of those things is, that's my story.
But part of telling the story helps people realize, oh, I'm not the only one going through this. How many other people who've been had, you know, raised by a single mom, you know, raised in a very dysfunctional home, raised in a situation where, where abuse was, you know, that, that that was the everyday occurrence. And so when you can relate and have compassion, you then can begin to what I would call minister or really Help that other person, which is what I've committed my life to in regards to the non profit, the foundation I'm involved in. And I think the key is we, we are, we are brought into this world, we experience life, hopefully we make good choices and we respond positive to, to that. But ultimately we are together as a people, a human race. And our goal is not to fight, not to be divided, but how we can use each other's gift to support and help one another. And I think that's where we learned the great lessons of telling our story. Because in telling our story, we give other people permission to tell their story. And I think that's, that's vital. Too many people, because of shame and guilt, won't tell their story, but in telling their story is opportunity for them to heal and to help others heal and how they can tell their story, how they overcame some, some great difficulties.
[00:45:28] Speaker A: Yes, and you're right. I think it, in sharing, it opens that, that freedom that, that comfort to say, oh, okay, I'm, you know, I'm not, you know, the scarlet letter over here, you know.
Exactly. Well, when, when people are trying to heal journaling, journaling or reflection practices that, that helps transform hurt into helpful lessons. I think if people actually reflect instead of just Barry.
Right. And you know, so what, what, you know, what kind of practice, what do you feel?
How do you feel that that helps people Journaling and reflection?
[00:46:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I'm a big journaler. I journal every day. I, I probably have 10 boxes full of journals that I've been journaling since I was a teenager. And it is because you are trying to help yourself heal. You're trying to figure out the answers. And so a lot of times, and I'm one of those individuals that believe counselors are great, but all they are is facilitators to help you dig out of you what you already know, if that makes any sense. And so part of it is journaling allows the part of yourself that already knows the answer to get that out because then you can begin to see it on paper and what you're feeling. Because too often we, we bottle our feelings and.
Which is dangerous because that ultimately affects our physical health. I'm one of those individuals and I'm actually going to be writing another book on mastering your emotions because emotions are their barometers, you know, one of the, what I call, you know. Because often certain things and people would trigger emotions in us and they will indicate certain things that we've not yet healed on. So emotions are good for us. To recognize they've got to come to the surface in an appropriate way. Not an anger outburst, but in appropriate ways so we can begin to look at them and see them. Why am I feeling that way? Why does that person trigger me like that? Because we can't control the other person, but we can sure control how we respond to that person. And I think that's a healthy reflection on what we're feeling. And journaling brings that out.
[00:47:33] Speaker A: Thank you. I think that that's. I. I used to. I'm kind of sporadic on that. So it's something I need to get back to because I, I am that person. I'm kind of that person that just lets it go until it, you know, becomes too much.
[00:47:49] Speaker B: We all are.
[00:47:52] Speaker A: Although.
Well, why is forgiveness of self and others crucial before pain can be, can become purpose?
[00:48:00] Speaker B: Well, you know, one of the things is. And I've had situations, you know, I like my, my own father because when he passed away I was 11, I didn't know him. I was probably one or two when he left my brother's tell me he came back, try to kidnap me, but I didn't. I have no memory of him. And so. And he dies, died when I was 11. And so I linked a lot of my anger from not having a father and you know, going through some of the struggles that I had. And then I recognized and I also found out a little bit about my dad. He also was abused, he also had an alcoholic parent. And so never.
The forgiveness does not excuse the behavior. That is the problem is we try to take control and make the person suffer who hurt us. Which is impossible because in my situation, my father passed away.
So all we can do in order to bring the healing is to let go of the moment of the pain recognized. And that's where forgiveness and turning them over, surrendering happens because then you can heal. You no longer stuck to that past moment because something that may have happened over a long period or even one time event stays with you each and every day. When you don't forget because you're linking that and you're triggered by either seeing them or hearing their name. And that's not helpful for anybody. So letting that go is very important. Like I said, forgiveness is not for the other person, not letting them off the hook. You're letting yourself off the hook so you're not connected to, to an offense that they committed against you. And part of it. And I think about, if I have any more time, I think about a concentration camper, her name, but she was a Concentration camp victim, Corrie Tender. And she was confronted to a moment where she was given a speech. This is probably in the 60s. And there was a. A Nazi concentration camp guard in the audience. And she was speaking on forgiveness. Well, this was the very concentration camp guard that was responsible for her own sister's death.
[00:49:56] Speaker A: Death.
[00:49:57] Speaker B: And so she was confronted to say, okay, I've got to love this person because I don't want to hold on to that pain. And they embraced in that. After that meeting, embraced one another and. And he was obviously healed because he had the guilt. But she was healed as well because she didn't hold on to that anger anymore. So there's powerful lessons and healing when you can forgive because like I said, never. Not that you're going to get back in a relationship with somebody who's abused you, but you have the ability to look at that person as a human being. And I. There's a movie that I would. If you are familiar with it, that was very instrumental. I watched it 10 times because I need to understand the lesson is the Shack. The Shack. The movie is a great, great story about forgiveness and the power of forgiveness.
But, yeah, that's why it's so important, because it's very important for us to heal. Forgiveness allows us to really discover who we're called to be because if we're tied to something in the past, we can't move into the future.
So I've been a big proponent on helping people overcome those obstacles.
[00:50:57] Speaker A: I agree with forgiving, that is key. It's just toxic not to let it correct, forgive and move on. Well, thank you for being so real and vulnerable. For anyone looking to turn their pain into purpose, where can they learn more about your work or reach out for mentorship?
[00:51:12] Speaker B: Yeah, they can reach me at PaulPeters online.
And then like I said, there's ways to leave information there so we can get in contact.
[00:51:20] Speaker A: Okay, great. Well, what an incredible hour of truth and transformation. Thank you for your service, your leadership, and your unwavering purpose. I think you're. What you're doing is. Is amazing to our viewers. You know, life isn't about avoiding discomfort or hiding your scars. It's about facing your reality with courage and using every experience to grow, lead and. And give back. Whether you're feeling stuck on autopilot, chasing shallow success, afraid to launch a big idea, or carrying the weight of past pain, you're not alone.
There is hope. There is purpose. And Paul's reminded us there is a next step here on the human factor. We believe your humanity is not a weakness. It's your greatest power. I'm Kimberly Diamond. Thank you for watching. Stay grounded, stay honest, and stay human. See you next time.
